The Blackberry Author: Joseph Valencia Posted: 6/11/2009 04:53:00 PM

DISCLAIMER: I am not an uber tech geek. Aside from video game consoles, I rarely feel the urge to own the "latest and greatest" gadgets. I have owned an 4GB iPod Nano for about five years. That is the extent of my "gadget geek cred".

The Blackberry is the single greatest gizmo ever invented by man, at least as far as small and functional devices go. Here is a gadget that can snap photographs, record videos, play music, double as a potent alarm clock, and even...function as a flashlight? Oh, it's also a phone.

It has a spherical scrolling interface that puts the iPod wheel to shame. The tiny keyboard is surprisingly usable and intuitive. I was texting and inputting file names like a "mo'fo" within minutes. The initial 256MB memory can be updated by swapping in higher capacity Micro SD Cards. I just ordered a 4 gigabyte card off Amazon for only $10, which is the same capacity as my old iPod. (Which is on the market. As soon as it goes, I'm divorcing my computer from Apple's cumbersome iTunes software.)

Unlike any of Apple's overpriced trinkets, it seems you don't need a software "middle man" to transfer music files from your computer to your phone. I have seen T-Mobile's "G1" phone in action, and was impressed to find that file transfers were painless and mp3 file tags were displayed like an iPod. What a sucker I've been, being forced to use iTunes for the last half-decade. Steve Jobs is not only a despicable business man, but his engineers are either incompetent or twisted.

No more. I am a Blackberry man now. I have been liberated from the oppresive world of overpriced iPod accessories, low-quality iTunes downloads, chunky Apple software, and sterile Apple aesthetics. Long live Blackberry and Amazon Digital!

The Week in Reviews: Cowabunga Edition Author: Joseph Valencia Posted: 6/06/2009 12:39:00 AM

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan (1990)

Rating: 8/10

Here is a game I didn’t expect to like. A basic, monochrome Gameboy game released to cash-in on a more elaborate console version. Guess what? I enjoyed “Fall of the Foot Clan” more than “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game”. Both were released in 1990. One is a bloated port of a superior coin-op experience, the other a humble and efficient portable actioner. (If that word doesn’t exist, I’m coining it right here.)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Back from the Sewers (1991)

Rating: 5/10

From the very outset, there is a distinct feeling that something isn’t right with this game. It’s like listening to an orchestra that has one performer off key. The Turtle looks dorky. He doesn’t *strike* the enemy with his sai, but swipes at them like a sissy swatting at a fly. His upper body hardly moves, only his legs. His torso is always in the same position, whether he’s walking, jumping, kicking, or attacking. I give the graphic designers a D-.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Radical Rescue (1993)

Rating: 10/10

It’s typical genre stuff, but it’s also very well done. The different maps feel expansive, but not so much that you end up wandering in circles instead of having fun. Curiosity propels the game, and it is also rewarded adequately with pizzas and life bar power-ups. The usual Ninja Turtles action punctuates the exploration, with all manner of robots and mutants waiting to be pounded. Each area has enough enemies and traps to keep getting from one point to another exciting.

The Turbo Board Experience, Epitomized. Author: Joseph Valencia Posted: 6/04/2009 12:50:00 AM

Topic: Movie Thread

Rob: [Insert Popular Movie Here] - Utterly stupid.

Faggy Shmup Fan #1: I am too cool to understand why people like that movie.

Faggy Shmup Fan #2: Ugh, trash.

Rob: Movies are a waste of time.

*****

Topic: Music Thread

[Assorted discussions about music no one knows or cares about.]

****

Topic: Scores Thread

Rob: 152,588 in RFGZHIJMK. This game might turn out good. :(

Faggy Shmup Fan #1: I almost did 300,000 in DDJ:HKIM. Endless is insane.

Faggy Shmup Fan #2: [Youtube Video of Someone Playing Some Faggy Shmup Game]

Rob: He didn't use the exploit.

A confession... Author: Joseph Valencia Posted: 4/14/2009 06:04:00 PM

I hate shoot 'em ups. I've tried all the big franchises, from Gradius to R-Type to Raiden. I've kept trying new shmups, thinking I'll finally find the one that "clicks" with me. It was today that I came to the realization that led to the statement that started this post.

I was re-downloading a bunch of Sega CD games, replacing my awful iso+mp3 combos with superior ".bin" and ".cue" files. I noticed the web site had Robo Aleste. Having heard some high praise of it, I decided to give the game a try. After all, it's one of those Sega CD diamonds in the rough, and I'm a sucker for those.

Ultimately, Aleste failed to win me over too. It might not be the game's fault. Robo Aleste could very well be a great shmup. It's just that it shares the same quality that makes me hate these sort of games: lots of enemies and explosions and bullets cluttering the screen with little to no time to anticipate or react to them. Also, the one-hit kills. You're pit against dozens of little tiny things that shoot missiles your way, and it takes only one shot or collision to kill you.

It's not that I hate being thrust into impossible situations and having to shoot my way out. I've enjoyed the Contra games, where a single hit kills and enemies press on relentlessly. The difference is, I feel like I'm in control of my destiny in Contra. If some grunt nails my guy, it's because I let my guard down in a critical moment...or at least that's how it feels. In a shoot 'em up, you're only allowed to shoot in one direction, and enemy swarms can approach you from any direction. In a real dog fight, you can turn to face your enemy.

There is one shooter that I actually like: Silpheed, also for the Sega CD. Ironically, shmup enthusiasts thumb their noses at it. Why do I like Silpheed? Because you have a life (shield) meter, the pacing allows you to both anticipate and be overwhelmed by enemy swarms and obstacles, and the power-up system is pretty sensible. (Aquired weapons you can keep vs. random pick-ups you can lose.) Also, the music is bitchin'.

So I've played tons of shoot 'em up classics and the only game in the genre I come out liking is...a bad one. That's how incompatible I am with this genre.

(If Space Harrier counts as a shoot 'em up, that one's good too. And After Burner.)

GameStop's Awful Business Practices vs. Crecente's Redundancy, which is worse? Author: Joseph Valencia Posted: 4/10/2009 02:24:00 PM

Before I get into the thick of things, I want to devote a tiny bit of this post to what doesn't constitute good journalism. I know, I'm not a journalist and I've never had experience in the field. Nevertheless, I can spot the bad kind when it points its offensive, butt-faced visage at me. I submit the first paragraph of Crecente and McWhertor's "whistle blower" piece:

The alleged practice of GameStop lending new copies of games to employees at their stores and then later selling those games as new, unused copies, may be a violation of federal law.

Now the second paragraph:

GameStop's "check-out" policy, confirmed to Kotaku by a number of the chain's managers and employees, could fall under scrutiny of the Federal Trade Commission.

To paraphrase Christian Bale: FUCK SAKE that's amateur. The two sentences are practically the same, except the second version injects a tidbit about Kotaku getting "confirmation" from GameStop employees. There's an easy solution to this "conundrum," which is: make the second paragraph the first, then use paragraph #2 to explain what the check-out policy is. You don't need to tell your readers twice that GameStop may be violating federal law.

With that aside, this "whistle blowing" is laughable. So they're selling "new" games in a condition that may not be considereed "new" in collector's terms? This kind of thing is old news. Every reputable gamer knows that GameStop is a terrible retailer with awful business practices. Maybe they don't know about the check-out policy, but it's not like it'd be so surprising. Just pile it with all the other stupid things GameStop has been caught doing.

Calling in the feds is pointless too. First, as noted in the automated e-mail Crecente received, the FTC doesn't make comments in this sort of situation. Second, the policy quoted in the post provides plenty of ground for GameStop to mount a defense. While their standard for "new" might not be acceptable to collectors, it doesn't have to be. They can simply argue that a copy previously used by a consumer is different from one that is either used as a store demo or lent to employees under intense restrictions. Moreover, the money being "scammed" from customers amounts to "about $5," in a market where products typically fall into the double-digit range or beyond.

I'm not defending GameStop's practice. I don't even do much business with them anymore, precisely because of this sort of thing. But when they passed the store demo of Mario Kart DS as "new" to me, when they under-payed me for all those Playstation games I traded in, I didn't go running to the feds. I got wiser. I started buying and selling at Amazon. I started turning to Best Buy for my off-line purchases. There are lots of people like me who are doing the same, and those numbers will keep increasing as GameStop consumers become more savvy.

It'll only be a matter of time before the only custom they get is from the lowest-common-denominator. For a specialty chain like GameStop, that's bad news. Consider that some areas are already starting to see their GameStop franchises diminish. Consider that this store thrives on the gaming enthusiast. And, finally, consider that a position at GameStop is probably one of the least stable jobs on the market. Then you'll see why there's no need "to tell" on GameStop.

QUICKIE: As if we needed further proof... Author: Joseph Valencia Posted: 4/05/2009 09:53:00 AM

...that Hugo Chavez is a fucking nut job. What else do you call a person who teams up with the president of freaking IRAN to form something called the Iran-Venezuela Joint Bank. I don't think Sean Penn himself could hear about this and think otherwise. Even socialist celebrities have to draw the line at cozying up with Iran's president, right? Right?! I mean, Persepolis, man. We're talking human rights violations, political persecution, degradation of women, etc. etc. You name it, they got it.

From now on, if I meet anyone even remotely expresses adoration of Hugo Chavez, I'm gonna throw this at them.

"You know, for all his flaws, Hugo Chavez has--"

"IRAN-VENEZUELA JOINT BANK."

"Oh, WHAAA-A-AT?! FUCK DAT SHIT, CHAVEZ IS FUCKIN' INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE."

Twitter is stupid. Author: Joseph Valencia Posted: 3/12/2009 02:26:00 PM

Because we as a society are becoming collectively dumber, because we're losing the capacity to focus on any one thing, we need Twitter.

Twitter is the latest stupid thing to sweep the internet. The concept, as I understand it, is to merge blogging, bulletin boards and Facebook into a single dumbed-down process. Instead of, say, writing a thoughtful blog entry about a movie you just saw, you instead log into your Twitter and post "omg saw the watchmen it was cool." Instead of participating in a meaningful forum discussion, your friends can "twit" back with "omg i saw it too and it was teh awesome." Then, when you decide to stop by BK for some late-night snacking, you can totally go on your Twit and say "tried burger shots they're soooooooo cute."

Twitting is so simple, even senile politicians and bubble-headed celebrities are doing it. After all, the only thing you need is the capacity for writing a single sentence, or pasting a link to your Flickr account. Because important people twit, investigative journalists have started browsing other people's Twitters in the hopes they'll get a "scoop."

I think twitting is completely useless. Whenever I see someone twit in response to a HUGE event, it never gives me a feel for what the person is reacting to. I find myself wanting to read more, but I can't, because there's only a single sentence. I'd prefer for the person compose themselves later and a post blog entry or article. Otherwise, while it's cool to know that "ea unveiled mass effect 2," it'd be cooler if there were details to go with the reaction.

The social aspect of Twitter is just asinine.

i just went to see race 2 witch mountain

i just has a cheezburger (lol)

i'm doing stinky laundry

i'm listening to music

ooooh i'm sooooo sick uuuugh

I don't care.

[Review] Dragon Warrior III (1991, NES) Author: Joseph Valencia Posted: 2/20/2009 07:30:00 PM

RATING (Out of Four):

When I set out from my hometown in “Dragon Warrior III,” the first thing I saw was a tower on a solitary island. I couldn’t resist wondering what treasures lay within the spire and what dangers guarded them. In my quest to vanquish the odious Lord Baramos and avenge my father, I made it my first order of business to find a way into those walls and see what was inside.

That was one of many compelling structures I encountered during my journey. Another memorable one was a pyramid located to the north of the castle town of Isis. Its upper levels contained a treasure most valuable in my quest, but the going was tough. On the ground floor, there were concealed pitfalls that would drop whoever stepped on them into a basement chamber. This sub-level was enchanted with an anti-magic field, rendering the spells of both my comrades and my enemies useless. Unfortunately, the monsters didn’t need magic as badly as we did.

I’ve heard tales of secret stairs that descend deeper into the basement, where a chamber containing the Golden Claw resides. This gilded weapon is most powerful and could fetch a hefty sum of gold at the pawn shop, but whoever carries will it encounter twice the monsters. With the anti-magic field depriving me of healing and escape spells, I didn’t dare go for that treasure.

During many such expeditions, I encountered that fight or flee dilemma. My comrades and I would find ourselves virtually drained in the middle--or perhaps nearing the end?--of some monster’s den, and I had to make a call. Should I give in to the rational urge to retreat to some nearby sanctuary, or should I keep pressing onward under the hunch that maybe, just maybe the next chamber would contain the treasure we sought?

Looking back, the best thing about “Dragon Warrior III” was the balance it struck in its dungeon layouts. They are vast and convoluted enough to drain us, but also short enough that we often find ourselves rewarded for pressing on just that little bit more.

Yet there was one small but crucial detail that irritated me even during the game’s greatest moments. At the start of your journey, you are encouraged to visit a local pub to recruit a fellowship of warriors. I decided to bring along a Soldier, a Pilgrim--Cleric, and a Wizard. We had a solid group. The Soldier endured many attacks at the frontline for my more vulnerable team members, all the while dishing out damage in return. The Pilgrim kept us going through the densest of labyrinths with his healing and support spells. The Wizard, on the other hand, tried his hardest to be of use, but his magic had this unfortunate habit of backfiring.

I understand a Wizard can’t be a Gandalf right out of the box. There are experience levels to be gained, and maybe magic requires some trial and error on the road to mastery. But am I wrong to find it inexcusable that my Wizard’s magic is still failing as our quest nears its homestretch? Is it irrational for me to expect advanced spells like Explodet or Blazemost to at least dent the Lord of Darkness in our final showdown?

Whenever I wasted nine precious magic points to have a spell “not affect” the enemy, it took me out of the game. To the extent that I was “in the game,” however, I enjoyed it.

Square One Author: Joseph Valencia Posted: 2/16/2009 07:43:00 PM

Okay, now that I have a clean slate, it's time to create a mission statement for this blog.

Space World has always been a place where I write about video games, entertainment and some other stuff. Unfortunately, it's never had much direction. Now is the time to go into detail on that. This blog is where I:

- Muse about video games, entertainment, and sometimes politics and living. (Write about shit.)

- Make observations about the above mentioned topics. (Respond to shit.)

- And post reviews of video games and mini-reviews of movies, employing a Pikmin-based rating system. (Evaluate shit.)

Those three points drive home the kind of content I want to create on this blog, but not the motivation for blogging. Like anyone else who does this, I just want a platform where I can work on my writing and express what's on my mind. It's the basic need for a journal. There's also the desire to make my own contribution to the web. That about sums it up.

**NOTES ON THE NEW TEMPLATE**

I removed the Last.FM widget, because it's annoying. In order to make the page load faster, I've also cut down on the fancy banners. "ABOUT SPACE," "TURBO BOARD" and "HG BLOG" are now text links instead of images. The background is now a repeat pattern instead of those nice (but heavy) 1024 x 768 vistas of old. The new banner at the top is much cleaner, allowing a slim 8k file size.

One of the biggest changes was eliminating HaloScan. When I first implemented that code, Blogger's comment system was kind of dated. Now that they've caught up, all HaloScan does is give me two different comment pages to keep track of. :snip: On a similar note, I removed the Trackback feature. It's one of those blogging things no one either understands or puts to use. Has anyone ever seen a blogger that uses trackbacks? I haven't.

The last order of business was adding labels and optimizing Space World for widescreen resolutions. I'm not sure how successful the latter was, but I think I've got labels down. It took some doing, because Blogger's label support for the classic templates is shit. (Non-existant would almost be accurate.) This template I have represents over four years of refinement; like hell I was going to throw all that away for the new template system. Instead, I figured out a way to ghetto-rig everything to look nice in classic mode. This set-up isn't ideal, since I have to upgrade the template whenever I create a new topic label, but it's better than scrapping four years of intense hacking.

This is about as good as this template will ever get.